Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
