The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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