I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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