they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
