I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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