hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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