I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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