bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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