last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
