And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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