Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
