So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
