I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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