I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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