Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
