Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
