I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
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Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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