I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
