I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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