She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
