Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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