i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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