You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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