dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
