Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
