Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
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The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So apparently I’m into choking now
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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