Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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