i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
only you would photoshop your dick
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
