So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i think my mom watched the whole time
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
