I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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