I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
