i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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