The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
