good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
