i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I am in a vortex of obligation.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
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Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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