I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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