I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
