Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
