We won't sleep together?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
