He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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