guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
