I heard we made out
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
