i was rollin on her like bob the builder
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
