Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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