Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
