Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
