Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
