i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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