don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
