Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
