i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
