i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
