i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
