Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
