Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
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i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
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The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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