i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
