my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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