There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
