It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
