dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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