Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
